Confessions of a classic virgo

I'm a classic virgo - I love perfection.  I strive for it.  I feel great when it's achieved - in any form.

someone else's 'perfection' is particularly good because it entails no failure-to-be-perfect on my part.  I just get to admire it.  get close enough to absorb it's wonderfully perfect vibes.  Like art I love, a beautiful home, the perfect outfit, awesome hair, idyllic beaches ... you get the drift. 

on the rare occasion I achieve perfection myself, I feel like superwoman.  Which means I've felt like a superwoman ... not many times. 

fortunately, as i age i continue to realise perfection is unrealistic. unhealthy even. and I've adjusted my virgo-ness accordingly.  i've not completely let go of the quest for perfection, but i'm a little less pedantic and more realistic about the whole notion now. 

things I'm now good at keeping to an acceptable, liveable version of virgo perfection are:

my house - I'm realistic about this, it's far from perfect, i hate the colour of the kitchen and the floorboards.  i have a toddler and a hairy cat and a husband who is probably an 8/10 on the tidy man scale... but not a virgo.  I don't know why but he never ever closes a drawer or a door on our wardrobes.  why.  i don't get it.  

my clothes - when an outfit just comes together.  I dislike spending hours choosing outfits and as a result i have a set of  outfits i know work and i have them on high rotation. This is good for me, good for having a toddler and a husband who share an expectation of me getting ready in negative 5 minutes, and good for my virgo-ness.  I'd rather wear the same outfit on rotation, knowing it works, feeling comfortable, than spend the day in something I don't like and don't feel comfy in.  kinda why bon exists really.  but I've come to be comfortable with the fact that my outfits aren't always 'the perfect' outfit, but rather 'the perfect' outfit for me right now.  

my life - which is perfectly imperfect. 

my health - i've (mostly) struck a good balance of exercise, healthy eating, clean living and treats, alcohol and relaxation. it's not perfect but it's perfectly acceptable.

not bad really.

but then there's this inexplicable list of things which I'm weirdly ok with being far from perfectly acceptable. it flummoxes me - and the people who know me best.

these things are:

my laptop (the item which inspired this very post) -  It's actually gross. possibly unhygienic. you don't even have to look at it that closely to identify it's legit dirty.  I opened it just now to finish a newsletter for this weekend. as i opened it i noted, as I always do, that it was dirty.  but this time, the amount of shit living in the bit between the base of the computer and the screen compelled me stop. and take a photo - image above.  there's sand - I've never taken my laptop near the beach but the sand has somehow migrated from our beach bag, I'm guessing??? in our laundry, a place where my laptop also never goes, to the dead centre of my laptop.  how??? why???  There's also numerous cat hairs - less mysterious as Rupert often either sits on my lap or on the table next to/half on my computer whilst I type. and then there are random spots which I can only deduce are food splats, also gross, and other unidentified marks and dust which have clearly been there for a long time.  it is legit dirty. what kind of virgo am i even?!?!?  I may as well just move my birthday right out of that whole celestial month and into whatever month is ok with dirt.  it was so astonishing that instead of writing my newsletter as i intended I immediately starting writing this post.  actually the post almost started writing itself.  it's like the dirt on my keyboard came to life and started typing.  in fact this post is actually an sos from my laptop dirt to you to help, pleeease, someone, get us out of this filthy place! anyone! send a cloth and sanitiser. stat!

leaving my knickers on the bathroom floor after my morning shower -  i shower in our ensuite and the laundry bag is in our room.  approximately 5.5 steps away from each other.  i take my knickers off in the bathroom and walk back past them from the shower to the room to dress. the laundry bag is right there where i dress. i honestly don't know why i don't pick them up.  i don't leave anything else on the floor like that and i am very pedantic about washing. it's the biggest mystery. worn knickers on the floor. all day. so un-virgo like.

when i'm cooking - rather than putting the food scraps into the bin, i dump them in the kitchen sink as I go. then, once I've finished, all messy like in the sink, I transfer them to the bin. which actually resides under the kitchen sink. i know.  it makes no sense.  it makes my cooking area so messy.  very un-virgo like.

there are more but there's a limit to what's ok to share, the knicker story pushes boundaries already, so I'll stop the list there and sum up:

initially this was going to be a simple confessions post, it had no point other than i felt the need to share my disgust and perplexity about the state of a perfection loving virgo's laptop. 

but i did just have a little revelation.  the very existence of my gross-things-I'm-ok-with list, and the fact that clearly i'm ok with those things means i can, and do, happily exist in varying levels of imperfection.  which, and this is big - releases me from the deadly grip of perfection! 

i can admire [what i perceive as] perfection in art, places, people and style, and let it inspire and motivate me.  but I think I'll remove the crutch and the barrier that exists in my self labelled 'virgo perfectionism' and let it free me to do, and be.  perfectly imperfectly.  and maybe not let my celestial sign say so much about me.  i think i'll speak a  little more for myself thanks goddess star sign.  said with celestial love and respect. obvs. 

but i will sign off and clean my laptop.  and maybe even leg it upstairs and check the bathroom floor for yesterday's knickers.